Today is stillbirth and pregnancy loss
remembrance day, I know I have only had a miscarriage, but it made me think of my experience. So I thought I would share a little of my experience with miscarriage, before
Kortney (4months old) we lost 2
pregnancies, 1 at 8 weeks, the other at 12 weeks. I don't think anyone can tell you what emotions you will go through when losing a pregnancy. You love the fetus already so much and have bonded. I opted not to have a D&C, and let things work out naturally. It was very hard for me to cope with the idea of wanting a baby so bad and the fact that my body wouldn't cooperate with my plans. I now know what was the problem, I knew that it wasn't my fault, but no matter who tells you that, you blame yourself. Thoughts I had, maybe if I didn't lift that, or move that. Maybe if I would have listened to my body and stopped weeding when I felt I should. What is the Lord trying to teach me? I know there is a spirit waiting to come to my home. I love this baby already, why do you need to take it back home Heavenly Father.
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Thanks to getting my blood drawn a million times, thanks to medical technology we finally got our little
Kortney. She is the most amazing spirit, she is filled with light and happiness. She just looks into your eyes and you know how wonderful her little spirit is. When I was going in for my induction at 40 weeks (yes, we made it that long after being on bed rest, horrible) Mike gave Katie a blessing. In that blessing it talked about
Kortney waiting so long to come to this Earth, her and Katie were best friends once before,
Kortney wanted to come with her, but
katie is here to be her example, her friend and protector here on Earth. It was amazing.
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Things I learned: I need to rely on my Father in Heaven and be patient with his plan for me. Also I need to depend on the Priesthood, and know I can ask my husband for a blessing whenever I feel prompted. I also learned that love is an amazing thing. If any of you ever have to experience this please let me know, I know there is nothing I can do, but a Diet Coke and treat can go pretty far when you feel like crap.